What Is Love? More Importantly What Is Unconditional Love?
I don’t know if I ever knew what unconditional love was as a kid. I never knew what it looked like as an adolescent and I never knew what unconditional love was while I was married. When I look at my understanding of what love is, what it looks like and what it feels like it’s no wonder I ‘stuffed up’ as a husband.
How could I love when I didn’t understand what love was?
I’m not minimizing or downplaying my behaviour. I admit what I did. I admit that it was my decision to view pornography and have sex outside of my marriage. I’m not proud of what I did. If my children knew what I did they would probably never want to talk to me again. That’s how bad my behaviour was.
‘Was’ being the key word, past tense. How did I move from someone who viewed pornography daily and engaged in sexual activity outside of my marriage? I knew that what I was doing was not right. As such, if it was not right then by conclusion the rightful behaviour existed and I wanted to know what it was. I eventually recognized that there is a plan for sexual behaviour. The plan was developed by God, for married heterosexual couples.
How did I arrive at this conclusion? If I never knew or understood what love is; how can I now openly speak of being a Christian who experiences love as a healthy emotion and part of my daily life? The love that I experience and share is healthy and beneficial.
It’s a long story. Furthermore, it hasn’t always been easy. There have been trials and temptations. These trials and temptations I now see as evidence of why I need to continue to focus on living my life based on God’s word. The following two bible verses are examples of why sexual immorality is wrong. Why there is a devastating impact on our life and on the lives of those close to use when we engage in sexual activities outside of God’s plan. We will ruin our marriage, possibly our career and definitely our reputation (when the behaviour is exposed.)
The first verse is:
21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose
23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life. Proverbs 7:21-23
Use of pornography or sex outside of marriage may look like ‘fun’ but it will ruin your life. Even if you manage to keep it a secret from others. The secret will be eating you up. You won’t be able to look at your spouse without feeling guilt and without regretting your behaviour. You won’t be able to hold your children or spend time with them without the guilt hitting hard. This lie that you are living will eat you up slowly.
Once the infidelity or porn use or addiction becomes exposed. Realistically it will be exposed. Look at the number of people you know who view porn or are adulterers. They never thought that it would be exposed, that their addiction would become public knowledge. Think about the number of sexual affairs that are exposed by the other woman or a someone else who finds out about it. When it is exposed… Are you willing to say goodbye to your spouse? Your children? Are you willing to have limited ‘family time’ with your children due to a separation order? Are you willing to have a professional meeting with your employer over your behaviour that has also impacted on the reputation of their company?
As a Christian we have access to God who demonstrates unconditional love. When we acknowledge our addictions and behaviours God forgives us. This is unconditional love. The type of love that I wanted growing up, the type of love that I wanted in my marriage. The type of love that I wish I could have showed to those close to me. This love from God shows unconditional love when we repent and ask for forgiveness from sinful behaviour is expressed perfectly in Isaiah 55:6-9
6 Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:6-9
We know that pornography is wrong. We know that sex outside of marriage is wrong. We know it. We can only truly break the addictions with the help of God. Forgiveness is found in confessing the sins to God.
We often need help changing our behaviours and this is where counselling is useful. When you decide to break free from sexual sin it is easier to remain free with support of a counsellor or confidant. Equally important is the realization that when we do make mistakes we can come back to God and ask for forgiveness. God is wanting us to ask for forgiveness. God wants us to walk with Him. To share our burdens, to confess when we sin, to worship Him, to spend time daily reading the bible.
Why does God want to forgive us and have a relationship with us? Because as verse 9 states in the above verses in Isaiah 55:
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9
God loves us more than we can comprehend simply because His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are higher than ours. This is the God that we can freely choose to serve.
If you would like to talk to us because of a sexual addiction or sexual behaviour that you want to stop engaging in, please contact us and please be reassured that your confidentiality is assured.
By Anon
